The Unfortunate Realities of the Adoption Process :(

I'll just tell you now - I am about to put it all out there.  If you are not prepared to face it - the good, bad, and ugly - then you need to stop reading right now.   If you are someone close to us and you choose to continue, you may shed a tear or two.... don't say I didn't warn you!!!!   

First of all, I realize that we don't owe anyone an explanation as to what just happened.  I am not writing this for all of you.  I am writing it for myself and for Mike.  We find it easier to handle the difficult times in our life by facing them head on....  and this is no exception.  

Although the pain is still very fresh, and the wounds raw, we know we will get through this.  Yes, our hearts have been broken.  For the last 7 weeks, we have made plans to bring home a little baby boy that we thought we would one day call our own.  About 5 weeks ago, we let our guard down, and really started to share our excitement with friends and family, all the while knowing that nothing was guaranteed.   How do you tell expectant parents to prepare for their first child, without being too optimistic?   You can't.  We allowed ourselves to feel what any normal expectant parents would feel.  It didn't matter that our baby was growing inside another woman's belly.  He was growing in our hearts.  Up until about noon yesterday, we still believed this baby would be coming home with us.  What we didn't realize is that God had other plans for us. 

The reality of the adoption process is that it DOES involve ups and downs.  It can be disappointing.  No matter how well an agency or caseworker prepares you for the possibilities, you may still find yourself feeling as if your entire world just fell apart.  And let me just say, our agency and all the caseworkers involved have been WONDERFUL to work with.   We could not have asked for anything more from them.  But that doesn't make this any easier.  We are struggling with our emotions.  We feel hurt, confused, and shocked.  Some may think we'd feel anger, too, but we don't.  Our birthmother has made the decision to parent her child... a decision that she feels is best for her baby.  We can't fault her for that.   I know that Mike and I will make amazing parents one day, but this child didn't belong with us.  There must be another one out there that does....  

A close friend reminded me of this today:  "Great things involve great risk."    How true is that???   Although this situation didn't pan out as we had hoped, we know that one day God will lead us to our baby.  We are willing to take this risk again.  In the meantime, we'll be heading out on a road trip to collect our thoughts and refocus on moving forward.  We don't know where we are headed, what we will do, or when we will be back.  We aren't going to plan a damn thing........  we realized today that God just laughs at plans.  Instead, we will take the time we need to heal, and see where the road leads us. 

Smile, Mom :)  We'll be alright....